| And Here's To All My Friends!!! |
[Sep. 9th, 2005|12:34 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Take Action! Volume:4 | ] |
Today was as close to perfect as it gets. Laghter, talking, just fun, fun at school, in the car, at home, on my mind and in my eyes. I quit my job, got my liscence revoked, have community service to do but that's nothing compared to the people who make me laugh, the guitars in my head, and the people in my heart. I'm so happy I could fall on my face. The only thing bothersome, well not really bothersom just there in my mind is "when will she realise who's the one stopping everything else just to hear her voice, who's the one that worked to become and keep her as a friend, who's the one that worries, who 's the one that cares, who's gonna be the one that's there in the end when everyone else is gone?" Theres many people you come across when you're growing up, and there's many thing you have to give up when you get older. Well fuck that, i'm not growing up, i'm not staying young, i'm just gonna be Jeff. This girl I know worries and gets creeped out about cuz she's taking care of older people who are near the end of their lives. Since when does that have to be scary, who knows that that is the end, since when does it have to be sad, it could be a celebration of what was and what will be. She just has to know she's doing a good thing that many people couldn't do and I have respect for what she does. I hope I make everyone as happy as they make me. |
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| My Only Flaw Is I Care Too Much(Or Maybe It's A Perfection) |
[Aug. 27th, 2005|09:35 pm] |
You know you care too much for a person when........................................
The First Night You Meet Them You Sleep With Them In Your Arms All Night
The First Two Weeks You Know Them You Stay Up All Night Just To
Talk To Them No Matter How Tired You Are At Work The Next Day
They Ask If You Can Loan Them 50 Bucks And You Send Them 80 To Surprise Them
You Blow Your Whole Paycheck (450) On Them So They Can Pay Back Someone And So They Could Buy Groceries
When They Deffinately Mean More Than Money To You
No Matter What You Try To Give Them Help
No Matter How many Drugs They Do They'll Always Be Perfect Even Though You Would Like Them To Stop
You Drive 100 Miles With Your Friends and Ditch yur Friends Just To see This one Person.
They drive Through Your Town and you pay for Their hotel.
You Sit in Court with Them For 6 Hours.
You Miss Work for Them.
They Break up with You Within A Week, you Feel Sad But Don't get Pissed.
You worry About Them Alot!
You Stop Fucking Around Cuz They Told You to stop.
You know you care Too Much When You Tell Others That That is One of Your Only Friends That You Will Actually Say You Love
You Know You're Greedy when................................................................
You dont want Them To Do Drugs Cuz Who are You Gonna Talk To Or Even Fight With on The Phone if They're Gone
You Dont Want Them To Think About Suicide Cuz Again You Want Them In Part Of Your life You Know
Your Fuct Up When................................................................
You're Name Is Jeff And You Have A Really Kick Ass Friend And They Don't Know You Think of Them That way Until NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| Don't Hold Your Breath For Long, If The Undertow's Getting Too Strong |
[Jul. 11th, 2005|01:56 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | I Create To Desrtoy at Hand. | ] |
Sooo this is how it happens. I'm talking to my friend who I care alot about and I'm so emotionally distraught I just lose it just start to think about letting everything go. just let life pass me by and dont worry about who i am or what i'll become. Then she gets upset and starts to cry, she says she feels like a burden. She's not a burden at all to me, she makes me happy. I want her to be happy, she doesn't just need it, she deserves it. Things just fly through my mind of what she's saying and how i dont want her to feel that way or do that. Then things just start flying not out of my mouth or my mind but out of my heart about how i care and why. I can honestly say i dont have many good friends and alot of them probably don't care, but i finally have a friend that i care about, and i beleive she feels the same about me. I just don't worry about messing things up but losing. I lost the majority of people I love in life, and I haven't loved that many. half a family left, my gandma who loved me the most out of anyone not here anymore. How are suppose to feel when the person that loved you the most is gone and u can never see or talk to them again? ok this is now the 2nd time i've cried today. No matter how bad things get though I always can find something to make me happy, cuz I know in the end everything will be ok. I worry about saying this cuz I know it's gonna curse me but I do want things to work out and go out with her again, but If she finds someone who will make her happy and not be an ass to her and help her fix her problems, it would break my heart but I'de be happy for her cuz she deserves to be happy. People can bring out the oddest emotions in you, I never thought I'de be willing to give up this much to help someone, I also never found a person this close to knowing how it is to be afflicted by thinking too much. She might say she's cursed, but I feel that way too, like I'm never gonna find someone who will love me, that i'm just ment to love and not be loved in return. and it just dawned on me that that's soo weird cuz that's how she said she felt before too. She says she's been broken emotionally but I don't think she sees the seconds that she cares. She wouldn't of told me to stop going to work late if she didn't care, or to stop fucking around if she didn't care. I'm a weird person for my age, i don't care if a girl has a kid or wants to have a kid or wants a commited relationship cuz i want to settle down i want to know someone is there. she says I'm a stong person for not having a crutch to support me in life, but at the same time I feel like I'm walking down the path of life and i get so off balance sometimes i'm about to fall on my face. And so what if I'm lost. I might be lost and she might be lost too, but i have to tell her this, there is no other person i'de rather be lost with than you! and maybe while we're lost we'll find elvis there, not in nevada!!! lol |
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| It's Time To Die Inside |
[Jul. 8th, 2005|09:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | CKY - Dressed in Decay | ] |
So I've been streesed out and so worried that I've closed my self emotionally to people, especially one I care about. I'm gonna just let all this stress, anger the bad stuff inside of me die before it kills my emotions. I feel all this stuff inside and i can't let it be bottled up by something that i hate. There truley is a battle going on inside my heart, my head, my soul. I need to leave but I can't in ways. I definately wish it was how it was in the begining.It was more than perfect in the begining.Maybe thingsneed to be worked on, maybe I have to let go of myself to find me again. I talk about her like I've talked about no one else befor and My mind flys at full speed cuz of her. Things I never ever could of thought about, things that need to be turned into words and said no matter if they are so beautiful and powerful that they make me deaf. The only thing that keeps me sane is music, if it wasnt for that I'de of probably killed myself or be so fuct up on shit I wouldnt be a person. It's time not to be cool quiet helping loving Jeff and say what's inside. Say don't push me around, say I want to live my own life down my own path, and say that I care about someone. There might be a rock wall blocking how I feel but just to let her feel how it is to be loved in return I'll chip away at this wall until I get through, no matter how long it takes to let what the people who know how I think, and how I feel, and the people who say I'm beautiful inside how much more of that is lying dormant inside of me. Everyday I walk home from work and I sing this song I made up to myself.
Delusional is what she's told, her positives she's under sold,
My Mind has burried me alive, my soul is screaming to survive,
I can not see through all these lies, I can not see with my own eyes,
and If this dies before I wake, I pray the lord this is our fate.
After I sing that it just makes me calm down. I finally got all this some what out. Right now I feel like how I should Like I can break any wall down in my path. |
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| Forever Valentine!!!! |
[Jun. 28th, 2005|01:18 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | hopeful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Alkaline Trio | ] |
So heres part of a song I wrote and I thought I'de put it on here.
I'll suffocate you in your sleep,
I'll poison you with your drink,
I'll cut the brakes to your car,
You're not getting very far,
I'll follow you down your street,
In a dark alley is where we'll meet,
Then you'll be mine,
Forever....
Forever Valentine!!!
So I have 6 new piercings, One that goes over my temple, and 5 that make a star on my right chest by my colar bone. |
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| Lately I've Been feelin' dead inside. Like my guts have dried up and died!!!!! |
[Jun. 18th, 2005|04:10 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  worried | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Alkaline Trio - My Little Needle | ] |
Well depression and worry is the story of my life now. My girlfriends been having a hard time and doing alot of drugs and it's hard to get time to talk to her now and she was mad last night and she said that she feels like she isn't in the right situation to date anyone right now and that she shouldnt talk cuz she was mad. So I let her go, we didn't break up though. Then a few hours later she tried to texrt message me but I was asleep and I havent been able to get ahold of her since. I'm not sure what is going to happen but I don't wanna break up with her and I doubt I'll stay in this town that much longer if we dont break up. I worry soooo much about her and just wanna be with her, I am very accepting of her and dont want anything to go wrong between us. I guess tomorrow we'll find out what will happen then i'll update. I'm so fucking worried cuz I was instantly in love with this girl and ever since I left from visiting her it's been odd to talk to her and stuff because I need to be with her I feel different when I'm not arround her. If we do have problems I still wanna talk to her and be friends. She gave me her favorite bracelet and I wear it everywhere. I gave her my favorite bracelet, the one with all the spikes on it, and she keeps that around her shifter in her car. Yup we'll see what's gonna happen cuz I insanely want her to be part of my life.
My better half was praying for you to fall!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| Without Wearing a Stitch of Clothing We Were Both Deeply in Disguise!! |
[Jun. 13th, 2005|04:58 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  distressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Alkaline Trio - Sorry About That | ] |
Well Well Well, alot has happened. I do have a job now, I also have girlfriend. I am a graphic artist for a place called Trigger. My girlfriend's name is brandy, she's 26 and lives in denver. I love her alot. I thought I loved my last girlfriend, but I didn't I realized that after awhile. I went and saw my girlfriend this weekend, and ever scince I came back I feel like shit. I'm not sure if it's stress from work, or that I miss her or I'm depressed. The distance thing from Denver to here might be getting to me, or I'm just insanely being drivin' crazy from this town. All this time I've been facinated by death and casket's and stuff like that, but lateley i've been feeling dead inside ever since I got back, I feel like shit. I'm insanely happy with my girlfriend though. She makes me happy and I make her happy, we are imperfectly perfect. We kissed the other day and our lip rings got stuck together lol. at least something is making me happy now. |
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| I'll be just fine without you. |
[May. 20th, 2005|10:40 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  apathetic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Alkaline Trio - Sadie | ] |
hmmmmm I haven't done this in deffinately a long time...... Well things that have happened lately. No more band, but I'm working with spook standard and building a ne band. The new band should be really good if it gets off the ground. Haven't talked to my dad since september, and i don't want to. Saw Kelli Danni and Melissa at the Southside wal-mart today, i miss hanging out with them. We both did some stupid stuff that made me mad at them and them mad at me, but I'm not mad anymore and hopefully thay arn't mad at me. I got brces wich suck sometimes. My hair I like, it's almost the longest I've ever had it. School went good this hole year. 4.0 gpa fall semester and 3.5 this semester. Paintings are even more kick ass this semester than last I'm deffinately happy. I met some cool people this year too. I need a girlfriend, a job, and probably alot of things. |
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| My mind is miles away from home, but my heart is here! |
[Jul. 19th, 2004|08:46 pm] |
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Well tour is over, It was fun and not fun at the same time. I saw where jfk was shot, the ending of grease was filmmed, and where the tonigh sow is filmed. I played where fifteen and lets go bowling has played. I took dump in the front of the 18-10 fun house, got 2nd digree burns on my ass and everyone thinks i'm hardcore now. This might be the last tour for step back which is fine for me but whoever reas this can't tell anyone a thing. So many places so little time. I think I left my heart with all my friends here, and with the band members I still get along with. I missed noel, kelli, tara and tyler. I just felt bad cuz i wasn't able to hang out with kelli and tara and I'm not sure if i'll get to hangout with kelli cuz justin was suppose to get out on monday. I never thought a week in a half could feel like three days but it did. 3 days of no sleep, gas station food, cramped car rides, insane fun, being bitche at and being confused about what's gonna happen when I get home, between the band and other people. My brain is fried! I miss my friends! |
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| You can have the best of me! |
[Jun. 29th, 2004|07:49 pm] |
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I haven't wrote in a long time. Nothings been going on. I haven't hung out with anyone or anything for awhile. I helped Tyler move. Thats cool. Tour is almost a week away. Two weeks of being gone, playin' guitar, and having fun. I think when I come back I'm gonna look differet, i'm either of gonna gain weight or lost it, i'll probably lose weight cuz of the whole being in a van and eating stuff i bring for 2 weeks. Schools coming up soon, but it'll be cool. My parents are finaly going through the court stuff for their divorce. Me and my bro finally fixed our hot tub lol. If anyone wants to hang out just call me cuz if we don't hangout now it'll be a while before we do. Lately I have no idea what's gonna happen next. Which is a goo thing. I thought about it and having no idea what to do next is the best idea of all. You can't plan for what will or won't happen, you just go with the flow. You can't really get dissapointed either. I haven't hung out with tara or kelli lately which I want to cuz when I'm on tour justin gets out and I have a feeling I won't be able to at least hang out with kelli as much. No ones seen my hair either lol. I have no iea what to do next, and it's the best idea I've ever had! |
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